In Solitude, I Smile

I’ve never really had a problem being alone.

And I don’t mean that in the whole “I don’t need anybody” way. I love my friends. I love being around people. I love having people to experience life with. But I’ve also never felt like I needed someone there in order to enjoy something.

I can eat alone. Travel alone. Spend an entire day by myself. Go somewhere because I want to go, even if nobody else wants to come. None of that has ever felt sad to me.

If anything, I genuinely enjoy my own company.

I never really thought much about it until I started noticing how hard being alone seems to be for some people around me.

I’ve watched friends keep people in their lives who they don’t even seem to like that much. I’ve watched people stay in situations that make them unhappy, entertain relationships they know aren’t going anywhere, or tolerate behavior they would normally never accept.

And sometimes I think it really just comes down to not wanting to be alone.

That’s probably what has made me appreciate solitude more. Because when you aren’t afraid of your own company, you don’t need to fill every empty space with another person.

That doesn’t mean I’ve always chosen the right people. Definitely not. I’ve kept people around longer than I should have. I’ve given chances I probably shouldn’t have given and ignored things I knew bothered me.

The difference is that being alone has never been the scary part.

I think there is something freeing about knowing that if someone leaves my life, my life doesn’t suddenly become empty. I’ll miss people. I’ll be hurt. I’ll have moments where I wish things had worked out differently.

But I’ll still be okay.

And maybe that’s why I’m becoming more selective about who I allow into my space.

My solitude is peaceful. Someone has to add to that, not just occupy it.

I don’t need every friendship to last forever. I don’t need to force a connection because we’ve known each other for a long time. I don’t need to keep talking to someone just because the alternative is having nobody to talk to that night.

Sometimes I’d genuinely rather just be by myself.

I think people hear that and assume it means you’re closed off or hyper-independent. I don’t think that’s it at all.

I still want deep friendships. I still want love. I still want people around me who know me and understand me. I want connection just as much as anyone else.

I just don’t want connection for the sake of connection.

There’s a difference.

Being alone has never made me feel like something is missing. If anything, it’s given me enough comfort with myself to recognize when someone’s presence isn’t actually making my life better.

And I think that’s something I’ll always protect.

I don’t need someone sitting in every empty seat.

I’d rather enjoy the space until someone worth sharing it with comes along.

Till next time HOTTIES (mwah)